OK, this is getting on my nerves now.  I’m ready for spring!  I saw a robin weeks ago.  It’s time, dammit!

Severe Weather Alert from the National Weather Service

SNOW ACCUMULATION OF 6 TO 10 INCHES IS EXPECTED TODAY AND TONIGHT. AN ADDITIONAL 1 TO 3 INCHES IS EXPECTED ON TUESDAY WITH A SEPARATE UPPER AIR SYSTEM, BRINGING THE TWO DAY SNOW ACCUMULATION TO 7 TO 13 INCHES. DURING TIMES OF HEAVY SNOW THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING, THE SNOW COULD FALL AT A RATE OF 1 TO 2 INCHES PER HOUR.

We’re going to see Lucy Kaplansky at the Sellersville Theatre tonight.  It should be a wonderful show.  We are dead center, up at the stage, so we should have no trouble seeing her, that’s for sure!

But the best part of the evening for me will be the dinner prior to the show.  Dinner at the Washington House is always, ALWAYS a pleasure and I don’t expect that tonight will be any different.

I can’t wait!

Oh, man, my eyes are burning like crazy!  I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired or if there are fumes surrounding me or what but I just want to close my eyes and escape the torture!

This will surely be a day full of ultra-long blinking. 

Oh - and a day of snow as well!  We’re in for another snow storm today.  I have gotten to the point where I am just so tired of the snow.  It’s not because we get so much of it, it’s that it starts to melt and I get all encouraged that we might be past the snow time and then it snows again.  Ugh.  Come on, Spring!!

From my good friend, ls - the story of the Talking Dog.

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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:  “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. 

“You talk?” he asks. 

“Yep,” the Lab replies. 

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.  But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.  I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.  I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 

“Ten dollars,” the guy says. 

“This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar.  He didn’t do any of that shit.”

I am the ultimate rule follower.  If I’m told to do something or not to do something, I obey the rules.  It comes from years of getting into trouble as a child for not following the rules.  I found out it’s easier if you do what you’re told to do.

Sometimes it bites me in the ass, though.  Like right now.  I’m taking my VB course and I’m into the 3rd lesson - Introduction to Programming.  Now, I went to school for programming, but that was many, many moons ago.  Still, I have retained some of the concepts.  Not to mention the fact that I’ve been working with computers for the last 25 years or so.  A lot of the stuff that they’re discussing in this lesson is unbelievably familiar to me.  And they have decided to dedicate the middle portion of this lesson to a glossary of data processing terms. 

A glossary.

A 15-page glossary.

Of data processing terms.

I ask you - how mind-numbing can you get??  But I can’t skip it.  No - I can’t skip it!  Why??  Because I am the ultimate rule follower.  They tell me that I have to read this glossary to get familiar with the terminology and I will read it.  Never mind that my eyeballs are bleeding and my brain has completely turned off.

This may be the hardest lesson I will have ever taken.

I swear I am the worst luck for my NASCAR drivers.  While a race is on, if I even think of supporting one of them by using the commemorative glasses that I bought with their numbers on them or sporting one of the t-shirts that have their logos, I might as well just erase them from my memory ‘cause dimes to donuts, they’re going to crash or their engine will blow up or some freak event will happen to prevent them from doing well.

Case in point.  Yesterday - the Daytona 500.  The Super Bowl of NASCAR racing.  And my FAVORITE driver (who happens to be as old as dirt) wins the pole and he’s starting in 1st position.  Alright!  My guy’s up at the front!  He probably won’t do well - he never does any more - but he should do OK for a while, right?  So before the race starts, I don my Dale Jarrett t-shirt and do a celebratory half-shot of tequila in my Dale Jarrett shot glass.  Somewhere around lap 20, he’s having problems with his car and ends up getting hit by Jr.  That’s the end of his day - he’s at the back of the pack for most of the rest of the day.

Just about that time, I decide to switch gears and support my #2 driver - Matt Kenseth.  I run upstairs and change into my bright yellow DeWalt Kenseth t-shirt.  Lap 36 - Kenseth’s engine blows up and he goes home.

I have one driver left and I fear for his life if I put on his t-shirt, so I didn’t cheer or yell, but carefully watched out of the corner of my eye and saw my youngest driver, Jamie McMurray, finish in 32nd place.

Dale Jarrett actually finished in 15th place.  Right behind my new guy - Dave Blaney in the Jack Daniel’s car!  (I don’t know anything about him but I love his sponsor!)

I should start rooting for the guys that I don’t want to win…

Is there anything worse than hurting your back?  Every movement you make is connected to your back and so you get a constant wonderful reminder that you’ve dorked yourself up every minute of the day.

What’s that?  How’s my back?  Oh, well, since you asked, it’s less than perfect.  I am on day two of heating pad and rest.  I don’t really know what I did, but it happened two days ago and it won’t go away.  I was feeling pretty good last night and I thought I was on the road to recovery.

Um...no.  So, I’ll just sit with my feet up in my comfy chair and a heating pad and hope for the best!

This is a pill-popping question.  I’m curious.  How many people out there throw their head back when taking a pill?  I have seen so many people take pills in this way - and some of them get ultra-violent in their head toss!  I’m surprised there aren’t more dislocated necks because of this.

I don’t do that.  My head doesn’t move when I take a pill.  It’s just like swallowing food, right?  Do these people toss their heads back at dinner so that their food reaches the back of their gullets easier?  I’m not sure I understand the theory behind this movement.  I suspect it’s all psychological.

This is courtesy of my friend, Beavis:

A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”

They boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?” Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God!?”

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!”

*Click to enlarge pictures*

The book has been found!  The book has been found!!

There was one bookshelf in the library that I hadn’t thoroughly checked out because it was too high for me to see the books.  I dragged out the stepladder this morning and, lo and behold - there was the book!

Along with several other books I had been looking for and/or forgot we had.  What a great discovery!!

I used to have a book by Edward Gorey called Dancing Cats and Neglected Murderesses.  It’s a tiny little book of some of his cartoons.  I looked for it a while back and couldn’t find it.

Yesterday, I figured I’d go try and buy it again, since it probably cost me $3.00 originally.  Maybe $5.00. 

The sucker is out of print.  Which is OK - I’ve found other books that are out of print for a fairly reasonable cost.  Not this one!  The cheapest I have found is $35.00!

$35.00??  This PAPERBACK book is all of 6 inches tall and probably about half an inch thick.  What the heck?

(Does anyone out there have a copy I could borrow?  I just want to look at it again!)

I just signed up for a Visual Basic .NET training course.  This will be cool, I think.  You can take the classes online (it’s a “distance learning” course) or you can take them from the books.  I think I’ll be doing mine online. 

I like to keep on learning!

So there I was, in Barnes and Noble, scoping out the bargain books, as is my wont.  I look down and see a little paperback book - $4.00 - called The Unknowable Gurdjieff by Margaret Anderson.  Here’s my exposure to Gurdjieff:

They open doorways that I thought were shut for good.
They read me gurdjieff and jesu.
They build up my body, break me emotionally.
It’s nearly killing me, but what a lovely feeling

Those are lyrics from Kate Bush’s song “Them Heavy People”.  That’s my exposure to Gurdjieff.  So I bought the little book - it’s only about 212 pages of very large type so it’ll be quick to get through.  And then I will know more.

I’m about 85 pages through it.  I’m already looking for my next book - and leaning toward something by Ayn Rand to ground me - because this seems like a load of happy horseshit to me.  Maybe not; I’ll keep reading.  I am disturbed by the fact that all of his followers in this book are women.  I hope this doesn’t turn into anything twisted.  ‘Cause, you know, with Michael Jackson and perverted priests, I’ve got all the twistedness I can handle, thanks very much!

Some time ago, I realized that I hadn’t read oh, ANY classic literature.  I struggled with it and finally seemed to get in the groove.  I have read several classic fiction novels so far.  Today I finished my latest classic book - Jane Eyre.  I simply adored this book!  Once I got used to the old writing style, it entranced me and any time I had to stop reading it, I was just waiting until I could get back to it. 

What’s not to love, really?  It’s a book full of love and romance, tragedy and triumph, and the good guys win!  Wonderful, wonderful stuff!  Now, I have to decide which version of the movie to watch…