One of my life's goals is to watch every Kevin Kline movie ever made. I have a few under my belt - Dave, In and Out, The Big Chill, A Fish Called Wanda, French Kiss - but I'm sure I have a long way to go.

Tell me - what's your favorite movie with Kevin Kline in it? Let's start the "All-Time Greatest Kevin Kline Movies" list! Wanna??

There were dark days when my home page kept changing on its own and I was introduced to the wonderful world of spyware and adware. It was a truly sad time and I was sore afraid of surfing! No one should be afraid of the internet, Little Squishy!

I was comforted by Ad-Aware and Spybot Search and Destroy. They were good to me. But the mother of all that comforts me now (when I'm using a PC, that is) is Mozilla Firefox! Since I've started using this product, I have noticed one side-effect, however.

I have grown an unnatural and overwhelming fear of IE! Every time my cursor hovers toward the IE icon, I start to sweat and I just know that there are worms and viruses and ads and spies and creatures with 75,000,000 legs waiting to infiltrate my poor susceptible PC!

Does anyone else suffer from this IEphobia as well? Or is it just me?

Two weeks ago, we had a week-long kickoff for the project I'm working on. I have an 8½ x 11" pad of paper that has something like 20 pages full of notes I made while going through that week. Then I had to go back to my desk and re-type all those notes so I'd have an electronic copy of them.

Well, then I heard about this nifty little device called a digital pen. You write on a special tablet, bring the pen back to your PC, plug it in and, voilà! You have your notes on your PC!

I had to have one!!

But I have only been on my team for a month. Could I work up the chutzpah to ask to spend $200 on a pen for the FNG??

I woke up with Ray Charles' version of "America, the Beautiful" in my head today. Goodness! I had no idea I was in such a patriotic place right now!

After the stress of the holiday, it's sort of a welcome feeling to get back to the relative calm of work. (Of course, I could use a few more days to keep preparing for Christmas!)

Happy Monday, y'all.

Busy day today. We've got a list about a mile long to get started on and so my mind is full of all of that. You REALLY don't want me to put the list up here!

So, just to shake things up a bit and get us all in the mood of the season (or to set us all into a panic), I've reset my default skin to a wonderful wintry scene. This is my holiday skin from last year, courtesy of Joelle at BlogMoxie. (If you don't see it, choose either "Winter" or "Reset to Default" in the drop down skin chooser.)

Enjoy! And get out there and start your holiday shopping, for goodness sake!

Ostensibly, to look for and possibly purchase a mirror for the bar we're installing in the basement (but, really to spend some quality time away together), Buzz and I are headed to Pottsville, PA, and to the Yuengling brewery - America's oldest brewery. We drove through Pottsville a while back on the way to and from a short vacation in the mountains but we couldn't locate the brewery. (Seems it's in a building that's difficult to find.) But we're off today to look for treasures in the retail shop of a local, but quite successful, brewery. As you can see from the map (and you can click to enlarge the picture), there aren't that many distributors beyond the east coast, but it's pretty amazing to me how far-reaching this little brewery is. And I do like their lager. So many other people do, too, around here, that if you go into a bar and order "lager", you get Yuengling. That's pretty successful!

I'll let you know if we find anything!

So, how do you go about telling your parents that they are not allowed to drive any more? It's getting to be about that time, I think, and I don't know how to get that little conversation started. They have always been the ones to drive everyone else around and take care of everything but now it's getting dangerous. For themselves and for others.

You got any suggestions on how to broach this subject? Any websites that you know of that give you helpful hints?

Anyone else want to volunteer for this task?

'Cause I sure don't want to do it but I also don't want my parents injured in or causing a terrible car crash. Oh, ugh.

I just remembered a dream I had last night. I must be feeling pretty self-confident right about now. I dreamt that a boyfriend of one of my friends was hopelessly, helplessly in love with me. Couldn't get me out of his head. Had to have me!

I turned him down.

Excuse me while I try to get my head through this door...

Let me offer just a small recap of yesterday's events. I don't know how anyone else really felt but I thought everything that we cooked turned out just great! I didn't have any turkey (don't like it at all) but I heard it was good. Overdone but not dry. We cooked it in a Nesco roaster which freed up the oven for everything else. Sweet! We'll do that again. Mac & cheese made with Dreamfield pasta for my dad's diabetes (and everyone else's general health) - delicious! Mashed potatoes - creamy and not gloopy at all (we soaked them prior to cooking), etc., etc., etc. The food was great! The effort, extreme. My body is aching from head to toe, but...

I don't have to work today! Yeep! I slept in a bit this morning and got up to see if I could say goodbye to Buzz, but he had already left. So here I sit - the house is actually pretty much back together - with no plans for the day. I'm thinking, make a cup of coffee, grab a book, sit down in my comfy chair, turn on the little electric fire place, light a candle, and wait for the cat to snuggle into my lap. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Of course, I'd probably fall back to sleep, but who cares? I don't have to work today!

Or tomorrow or the next day. Ahhhh!!

So, do you have any weekend plans and do any of them involve visiting Buzz and Empress? 'Cause I'd like to make sure we have enough beer, if they do.

Here we sit, Buzz and I - it's just around 3:00 AM on Thanksgiving morning. I have not been able to sleep most of the night and finally gave it up. I'm having some chest pains but I know it's all stress. So, I took half a Xanax (that leaves me with half a pill to my name and no prospects for getting any more - yikes!) and now I'm trying to chill. The worst part is that I woke Buzz up, too, and now he's going to be just as tired as I am.

(Sorry, honey!)

This day is the worst for me to prepare for. I can do all sorts of things up front, but I worry about the turkey because we don't really know how to cook it and I hate making mashed potatoes for this many people (there are 17 this year - a relatively small crowd, considering). There's a big huge crunch time right before dinner is served and that seems to be the time when everyone wants to be standing in the kitchen, right where we need to be working.

Oh, well. Another 18 hours or so and it will all be over.

Hope your Thanksgiving goes well! (Hope mine does, too.) And if you're one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to prepare Thanksgiving for a crowd, but you attend one, make sure you give an extra hug to the hosts or bring 'em some flowers or a bottle of tequila or a prescription for Valium or something. 'Cause this ain't easy, my friends!

I have one more picture to share tonight. My niece gave me about 1,000,000,000,000 pictures to scan for the family calendar. In amongst them was the picture in the extended entry. It's me and my niece's son, my great-nephew, Ari. Isn't this picture simply hilarious?

And my very favorite...

*Click to enlarge*

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

(This one is from our good friend, MIKE...)

*Click to enlarge*

This is not right!

*Click to enlarge*

In honor of watching Wizard of Oz twice this weekend...

*Click to enlarge*

Thanks to my very good friend, ls, we will be having a Thanksgiving picture pages day here at the casa de Empress! I haven't done one of these in a long time and they're always fun.

So here we go...

I got called from work last night. It's the first time they have called me since I started my new job a month ago.

It was the first time I got to tell them that I don't work on that team any more - please call the oncall person for that team. Hee hee!

(My new boss assures me that I won't be oncall for this team. We'll see how that plays out but, for now, that sounds good to me!)

Oh, and to anyone who is reading this who is on my former team, sorry to sound so gloat-y!

Why is it that the skeeve factor is directly proportional to how close said skeevy person stands to you when they're talking to you? Why don't the yummy people invade your personal space?

And don't even get me started on the touching. I'm not talking about anything sexual or predatory - just the stuff that should only be done between people who feel comfortable together. BOTH people.

That is all.

I get migraines on occasion. Not very often, thank goodness, but I do get some whoppers once in a while. Several years back, I was prescribed Imitrex to take as needed for migraines. The prescription is for only 9 tablets with 3 refills. I got my last prescription in October of 2003 and only refilled it twice, so that shows you how infrequent my migraines are. I never got the last refill in time (10/03/04), so I called the doctor to renew the prescription, which they have always done in the past without a problem.

Now I got a call saying that I had to go in before they would renew my prescription. The office is an hour away and I have to take a day off from work to go get it all done. What a pain in the neck! I can see if I was asking for a refill on Flexeril or Xanax but Imitrex?? Come on! The nurse told me that if they are prescribing medication, now they want every patient to come in to be checked (blood pressure, general conversation) every six months! I am fairly sure my insurance is not going to cover that and, if it does, it's just going to serve to drive up the cost of my health insurance because they're going to be paying for me to pop in every six months to make sure I can still have this prescription that I take 6 times a year for headaches.

It's no wonder doctors are leaving the country and I'm thinking about trying to find a shaman somewhere to go to instead of a medical doctor!

No, no, no! This is not right!

Five hunters gunned down in Wisconsin woods

I mean, I would guess that there are quite a few accidents that happen when people who are anxious or excited or drunk (or any combination thereof) head off into the woods to shoot at animals. But there is no way that you should end up dead because some lunatic climbed up into a tree and won't leave.

Here's a lesson, though. If you're planning on going hunting and you find that some dude's planted himself in your tree stand, just let it go, folks. Just let it go.

Good morning, everyone! Well, it's another Monday morning but I'm working from home this morning until the carpet installers show up, so I'm still in my jammies. I figure I don't have to get a shower until 10:00 at the earliest! So I'm not in any hurry to get anything done fast this morning. Coffee's brewing, cats are fed, and the 85 or so beer bottles from last night have been cleaned up. I know there were only four of us here last night but it's amazing how impressive the beer bottles look when they're all sitting next to the sink. (And, no, there weren't 85 of them - it just seemed like it.)

I woke up with "Moonage Daydream" by David Bowie in my head. That's much better than what I thought would be in my head, which is the Wicked Witch theme from "Wizard of Oz". We watched that movie twice in the last two days. Why? Because it was on and we like it!

Is it just me or are the flying monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" some of the creepiest creatures ever filmed? Did you know that movie was made in 1939? Just thought I'd share.

Have a great day, all!

In our continuing hobby of finding Pennsylvania's best roadside eateries and greasy spoons, yesterday, we went to a third eatery rated by Hollyeats.com as 5 Grease Stains - Silvio's Deli in Hatboro, PA. Despite the fact that we lived about 10 minutes from this place for 13 years, we never ate there. Since then we've heard rave reviews from everyone who's gone.

Sadly, we did not share this opinion. I don't know if they were having an off day or not. I suspect not - I suspect it's what we were looking for. Here's my take on the whole thing. We each got two sandwiches - one for yesterday's lunch and one for today's. We ate half of yesterday's sandwich (cheesesteaks for both of us) for lunch and then finished them for dinner. When they were fresh, they were not great. They were better after we reheated them for dinner, oddly. And here's what it all comes down to for me - it's the roll.

Overly simplistically speaking, just like there are two basic kinds of fine scotch - those that taste sharp and medicine-y and those that are ultra-smooth - there are two basic kinds of roll. You can have a roll that has just a slight crusty outside but it's oh-so-soft inside or you can have a roll that gives your jaw a run for its money because it's so chewy and substantial. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with either type of scotch or either type of roll. It's simply the application.

I am all for a chewy French baguette before dinner that I can rip into bite-sized pieces and dip into garlic and herb-flavored olive oil but I do not want to have my molars challenged at every bite of a sandwich. And that was my problem with both of the sandwiches I got (we ate an early lunch today - both hoagies). And it didn't help that they made my hoagie wrong. I asked for an Italian hoagie with mayo, no tomatoes. She asked me - while she was making it - did I want onions. I said distinctly - YES. I got an Italian hoagie with no onions but it did have tomatoes. I had to pick off the tomatoes and I tried to eat it without the onions but it was like trying to eat notebook paper - no flavor. I sliced up my own onions but that's never the same. I didn't even eat half of it and threw the rest away.

So we won't be back to Silvio's. There was a lot of food and the price was reasonable, but I want something more. I want to swoon over my cheesesteaks and hoagies. And I have done that in the past. At places that are much closer to us. (Sorry, Cas!)

I think I need a Valium or something. I find myself - at all times - just one big ball of tension. I'll be sitting and reading or surfing or something non-stressful and I suddenly realize that my jaw is clenched or I have locked my knees or my shoulders are hunched.

And I woke up at 4:30 this morning and came downstairs to get a drink of water. I laid down on the couch to try and get back to sleep, which I did, but I dreamt like crazy. The most vivid one, and the one that I remember the best, is the one where I heard aircraft going over the house. I looked out the window and it was actually some sort of hovercraft that had just skimmed the house and they were turning around. They landed in the back yard (there were maybe six of them) and police officers just streamed out of them and were storming the house with intent to raid. I was scared to death but the thing that was the most important for me to do before they got into the house was to straighten up.

Now, I ask you, is that a sign of worry about the most mundane things or what? The police were obviously my family who is coming over for Thanksgiving and I am just not ready! Not to mention the fact that we have carpet installers coming on Monday, a cable guy coming on Tuesday, friends coming over today to help us finally take the treadmill upstairs and get it out of the office, and a whole list of things that have to get done before Thursday. (Don't let me forget to try and figure out how and when I'm going to get my son home. I haven't written that one down anywhere except here yet and I don't want to forget that!) Then we can get into what needs to be done before Christmas, but you really don't have the time to sit and read all that!

So, I know this is all temporary but it's still stressing me out. Maybe some hypnosis is in order to calm my poor addled brain.

On the other hand, I just took my blood pressure and it was 122/73 so that's good!

Buzz and I have been watching some movies lately, since we finished our Friends marathon. It started two weeks ago with "50 First Dates", which I thought was really good. Adam Sandler surprised the heck out of me and I was delighted by his performance. (Does anyone know why that movie was panned? Is it just because it was not a believable plot? Because I thought everyone acted very well.) Then this is what we've watched since then:

Starsky and Hutch - simply awful! I don't know what they were trying to accomplish here, other than to make a movie with two people dressed similarly to two people in a 70s TV show. It wasn't remotely like the show and it didn't even have any merit on its own.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House - Cary Grant in the movie that "The Money Pit" was based on. (I loved "The Money Pit" - shut up!) I thought this was a sure fire thing! It was disjointed and too short.

Shrek 2 - this was the best of the bunch so far, and it was good, but it made me want to see the first one. Even though I love Antonio Banderas and I thought they were very clever with some of his characteristics in the movie, there were just too many main characters. I thought it was too busy.

The Whole 10 Yards - I felt like I should have someone sitting right next to me telling me what was going on. Or at least, have a handy reference card - sort of like the family tree that I had to keep going back to while I was reading "Wuthering Heights". This movie was way too confusing. We watched "The Whole Nine Yards" last night and it was MUCH better!

Zoolander - Fortunately, the copy that we rented had glitches and we couldn't finish this movie. I was going to stab my eyes out with something blunt if I had to watch the whole thing anyway. I'm gagging a little just thinking about it. (Maybe I don't like Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson...)

So there you have our recent movie experience. I feel like we've been living in a vast wasteland of entertainment! I even missed the whole Nicolette Sheridan / Terrell Owens thing. At least, if I saw that, I'd have been horrified/offended/shocked/titillated...or whatever else the rest of the country is feeling right now. On second thought, that probably would have just been something else to make me yawn. (I can't really have an opinion on what happened because I did completely miss it and I haven't seen any reruns of it. Nor have I been interested enough to go find it on the internet.)

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good movie? I'm feeling a void! Don't make me go watch something with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in it again! 'Cause I'll do it! The only safe haven in a sea of swill!!

Suggestions, please??

I have had a tickle in the right side of my nose for two hours now.

What's the record for having a tickle in your nose - without sneezing - before going insane?

I'm just wondering...

Can someone please tell me what brilliant fashion designer thought up the idea of putting zippers on the side of some women's pants? This presents a multitude of problems when you're shaped like I am and have freakishly short arms.

That is all.

Years ago, when I was an avid smoker and when I was young, this day would come around - the Great Smokeout Day. People at work would get all up in my face about making sure that I didn't smoke on that day. Everywhere I went, people I didn't know felt free to instruct me to skip out on the cigarettes that day.

It got my back up. I made it a point to increase my smoking on this day every year. I went to the places where the most people were and smoked in front of them.

I felt like I had my reasons back then but I'm wondering if I wasn't just young and arrogant. These days, I still enjoy a cigarette or two (or three) several evenings a week after dinner, especially with a nice glass of bourbon, but I won't smoke today, I don't think. Although I still have those memories of people all self-righteous and judgmental in the back of my mind.

So tell me. If you're a smoker, does the Great Smokeout day mean anything to you? Do you feel guilty if you light up? Does it inspire you to quit? Or does it just annoy you?

And what about you non-smokers? Is this your day to rail against the heathen smokers? Or do you pretty much ignore this day?

The sense of smell is quite an amazing animal. Just catch a whiff of something you haven't been around for years and suddenly you're transported back in time. Years ago someone told me that that's because the sense of smell, as opposed to the sense of sight or hearing, is fed directly into the part of your brain that stores memories without being processed by another part of your brain first. I think that's what they told me anyway! That makes sense to me, but I'm still amazed when that explanation turns into reality.

In the kitchen of the building where I now work, there is a bottle of Dawn dishwashing liquid. It's the normal old turquoise stuff with no special scent - no lemon or apple or fresh linen or what have you. When I use it to wash out my coffee cup, I am overwhelmed with a feeling of familiarity from a time long ago. The only thing is, I can't quite place what period of time it is.

Growing up, my mom used Palmolive. Always. So that's not what it is. And, to tell you the truth, I can't remember what I used when I first went out on my own. But I don't think that's it. It's more a feeling of something like a grandmother's house where I would be safe and comfortable. But I was never at my grandmother's house very much. Believe it or not, it may actually have been from my old church - a place where I always felt like I belonged and had a reason to be. Well, up until I was 16 and really started to think but that's a story for another day.

In the meantime, I'll go wash my coffee cup again and try to pin it down.

Buzz and I were having a discussion last night on the merits of pop music. We were discussing whether or not the lyrics in some true pop songs are more than fluff. (Sorry, honey, if I'm stepping on a post you were going to write!)

The lyrics that came up were the first two lines of Waterloo by ABBA.

My my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way

Now I think those lines were pretty good. They show a knowledge of history and related that historical event to a situation in the singer's personal life.

I don't know. What do you think? Does real, live pop music have any socially redeeming qualities? You know, other than a kicky tune that's easy to dance to? Ya got any shiny examples of deep lyrics found amongst the rubble that is most Top 40 music?

I have been oh-so-busy for two days!! Yay!!!

*jigs and jigs and jigs*

I can't even tell you how much better this feels than to be sitting still for three weeks with virtually nothing to do. I'm exhausted (a 14-hour day yesterday and a 9-hour one today) but satisfied. I knew this time would come but I was so beaten down waiting for it!

Yea, I'm a scared-but-happy camper now. And how does the old phrase go?

Not everyone is happy when the Empress is happy, but NO ONE is happy when the Empress is NOT happy!

Happy Empress.

I found my black pants. I know you were all very concerned about it and I didn't want any more pain and suffering on my behalf.

They have been found!

And I'm wearing them today.

I lost a pair of black dress slacks.

Do you have them?

Do you know where they are?

How do you lose a pair of dress slacks? I don't think I threw them away last time I wore them. I liked them. They were easy to wear and very comfortable.

*sigh*

Well, the kickoff week for my very first project as a project manager has arrived. This should be interesting! I'm actually quite excited about the work part of it, and that's the bulk, so all should be well.

In other news, I'm mad at my cat. She doesn't seem to remember the incidences that led to this state and she's all cuddly as normal but I remember! Did you ever notice how your pets really do know all the things that they're not supposed to do but they do them anyway? Yea, that's my Phranc. I'm not speaking to her right now. Is that small of me?

And, finally, what better way to start your morning (when your eyes are only half-open and you're still half asleep) than to chase all the little tiny pieces of leftover food that just spilled out of the cat's dish and all over the floor? It was another one of those times that I just stood and stared at the situation. Kibbles everywhere!

And do you think I could find the dust pan and brush??

Have a wonderful day today!

Can I ask who it was who decided that this was a good thing for a pillow? This is from a description of the pillow about which I am about to rant.

The microfiber cover is so soft and silky that you hardly need a pillowcase.

Covers on pillows should be something without a nap. The microfiber cover on the Woolrich pillows we have makes it so that it is virtually impossible to put a pillowcase on them. Perhaps that's what they mean by "hardly need a pillowcase." What it should say is "good luck with your broken wrist from trying to get the pillowcase on!"

Honestly, you practically have to climb inside the pillowcase and drag the pillow in behind you! Is this a good idea? I think not!

/rant

Buzz and I have a new hobby. I don't know if I mentioned this before or not and I'm too lazy to search. We have decided that we're going to make at least one meal per weekend something delightfully awful. We are starting with a website called www.hollyeats.com and finding all the roadside eateries or greasy spoons within an hour's drive (but that are not necessarily in Philadelphia) that he has rated as 5 Grease Stains. We have done this for two weekends in a row and have our third already picked out for next weekend, so I think we can call this a hobby now.

Weekend #1: Yocco's in Allentown, PA - two enthusiastic thumbs up! That was a great place. The hot dogs are world-famous and they deserve to be. The "Yocco" is a hot dog served on a bed of chopped raw onions with dark mustard and just a sheen of their own chili sauce. All on a steamed bun. Make sure you get the large chocolate milk to go along with it. It's a perfect match!

Weekend #2: Charlie's in Folsom, PA - there are no better burgers on the planet. I already knew this but it was reconfirmed yesterday when we stopped in for a late lunch. I got what I have always gotten - two single cheeseburgers with everything (that's fried onions, relish, ketchup and pickles) and a black and white shake. (Buzz always gets two doubles but other than that, the order is the same.) Their burgers are very small so two burgers is really equivalent to a good-sized burger at a sit-down-type restaurant. They grill the buns and they used to flip them over for just a second to get a spot of grease on the top but they haven't done that the last two times I was there. I wonder if they're getting pressure from the AMA...

Weekend #3: This is the plan - Silvio's in Hatboro, PA. Hollyeats gave Silvio's 5 Grease Stains for their cheesesteaks and that's what we're headed there for. We might have to put these folks on the list again to try out their hoagies but next weekend is cheesesteak weekend.

Beyond that, we have nothing chosen but I have time to peruse. And I did something funny - I sent hollyeats an e-mail. I told him about our new hobby and recommended a place to him to try - Pizzeria 309 in Hatfield, PA. Their sandwiches are fantastic!! It's all in the bun, you know. I'd love to hear what he has to say about that place.

So, I figure one meal per week is not a bad thing to do. It gives us a break from the diet (which, admittedly, we haven't been doing for the last week anyway) and it gives us places to drive where we might not normally go. Fun stuff!

Oh, and if you're in the general Philadelphia area and have some suburban greasy spoons to recommend, let me know! And then I'll post a review when we go!

I sat down here at the computer to write a little story of the best laid plans of mice and Empress. My eyes fell upon my little wrist blood pressure monitor. I realized I hadn't taken my blood pressure for a few days so I decided to take it.

173/82

What the...??? I was about to dial 911! Where did that come from?? I mean I know I am borderline, which is why I bought the monitor, but that normally means something closer to 140/80 at its highest!

I thought there must be a mistake so I didn't remove the cuff. Instead I tried it again - sitting in the same position but with a slightly bemused look on my face.

139/82

Huh. That's quite a leap!

I took it one more time.

128/77

I decided to stop taking it at that point. I can usually tell when my blood pressure is up and I was feeling just fine this morning, which is why I thought to take it. I thought I'd enjoy seeing the relatively low numbers. Imagine my surprise!

But, I think I might just stop at the CVS while we're out and see what their monitor says.

173/82?? It has never been that high - EVER! When the doctor told me it was through the roof, it was 160/85. She'd have fallen over if she saw that number!

Anyway - with that little bit of a rolicking start to my morning, I'm off to have a weekend. I'll tell you about the best laid plans some other time.

Good times!

Do you wonder about crooked politicians and crooked business owners and despicable characters of all sorts? People who know about illegal dumping into our waterways or disposal of toxic wastes in landfills or about illegal emissions from power plants or industrial refineries? And yet they allow it to continue. They let it go on for years and years without doing anything.

There's a scene in the movie "Jaws" which I think every official or business owner or underworld boss should have to see and remember. The basic premise is that Martin Brody, who wanted to close the beaches after the first shark attack but who was pressured into leaving them open by city officials, is speaking with one of those city officials. The mayor. Martin's son is in the hospital with shock because he was very close to another shark attack. Martin is trying to get the mayor to sign the papers to hire Quint, the shark hunter. Here's the dialogue:

Brody:

Sign it Larry.

I want all those people who are acting in the best interest of the bottom line or acting in their own self-serving interests to watch that scene.

And remember that their kids are on that beach, too.

This just ain't right.

I am finally looking forward to getting something to do at work. The project starts in high gear on Monday. Thank god! I swear, I was going to go become a street person, if necessary, just to escape the torture of sitting here at work. Like I told Buzz, I couldn't even twiddle my thumbs because they're both up my ass! (Sorry for the graphics so early in the morning!) So I was very relieved to finally be approaching some actual work.

And then it hit me. The vendor is coming in for a week now and then three weeks starting at the end of the month. I wondered who is making arrangements for taking them out to dinner and who is expected to walk them around the campus and have lunch with them, etc. You know, provide the social aspect. If you know me, you know that I am not a social person. I choose to be only with those I choose to be with. I do not crave personal interaction except with those few people I know and love. I am an introvert to the highest degree. And on top of that, I really hate to eat in front of people. (Years of borderline eating disorders will do that to you - nothing major - just the typical closet eater syndrome - that old chestnut.) This all occurred to me yesterday on the heels of the major emotional overload I've been carting around with me for the last few weeks. It was too much.

The intriguing part of having chest pains is playing that little game where you try and decide if you should go get it checked out or not. I know that I have had my heart listened to several times and I had an echocardiogram a couple of years back. They have always told me that I have a good, strong heart. So I keep that in the back of my mind and trust that this is simply an anxiety attack. After all, it's been going on all night and I'm not dead yet! And I'm not having difficulty breathing or nausea or any of that kind of thing.

And it went away for a precious few minutes this morning when I was standing in the kitchen sipping my morning coffee and watching the birds on the bird feeder.

So there you have it, right? It's anxiety, right?

Now - who can give me a quick course in social niceties? I need to know how to make small talk and how to stop worrying about what someone's going to think of what I'm ordering to eat or whether or not I'm taking too big of bites or using the wrong utensil or slurping my iced tea. I'm 44 years old. You'd think I'd be past all this by now. But I've avoided these situations like the plaque so I didn't get used to it. I still want to run and hide.

I didn't think about this part of the job when I took it. I have no problem with the actual work part of it (if it would ever start), but the social part was not a consideration. And now I'm terrified. Oh perfect!

Ooh! Maybe I should go get myself hypnotized!! Yeah, that's the ticket! Make me the life of the party! I'm smart, I'm reasonably well-read - I'm just easily dwarfed in public.

Oh - or I could go get sloshed before dinner - then I'd talk up a storm to be sure. I'd be your best friend! I love you, man!! But that doesn't help with the lunch thing. I doubt my new boss would like it if I kept up a steady alcohol stupor for a month.

Hmm. Best to just get through this, I suppose. I'll be a better man for it on the other side, right?

** UPDATE ** A half a Xanax goes a long way! I feel tired but the pains in my chest have begun to subside. They're not gone but I feel much better. Vive la drugs! *sigh* On the brighter side, I guess I'm not having a heart attack!

Now stop worrying about me! I'll be OK - I'm just on emotional overload and I don't like to be there. I'm all about being strong and in charge and being the one who knows everything. You know - it's all about me!

My poor husband has been so nice to me and I've given him almost no clue as to what to do to get me feeling better. Then it occurred to me that what I really want is more face time with him! He's the only bright spot in my life right now and what better way to start to feel better than to go to the light??

So we scheduled a date for tomorrow night. We're not going out. We're staying in and we're going to have one of our ultra-fun and famous music nights together! No one else is invited to play with us - it's going to be a focus-on-us night. Yay!

Plus, Sporty gave me the name of a dentist to try and I got the name of a new gynecologist that everyone seems to love, so my medical life will be back on track, too. Things are getting organized - just the way I want them to be! Dammit, world! Stop this spinning out of control before I make you sit in a corner!

There. I'm beginning to feel better already.

In my continuing good-mood-by-proxy efforts, here's a picture that I got from my great friend, cjh (aka Stumblina). Enjoy!

*Click to enlarge*

I started writing (with a pen on a piece of paper) about just how bad I'm feeling right now. It's pretty damn self-serving and whiny. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So to spare you all of that crap, I'm sending out a wish for sunshine, lollipops and rainbows to each and everyone of you.

I hope you have a wonderful day and that tiny puppies give you kisses and bluebirds land on your shoulders (without pooping on you).

So I invited my parents to come to work today to have lunch with us and see this Native American children's dance troupe called Deer Chaser. The performance lasted about an hour and it was quite enjoyable, especially the tiny little girl who danced with them.

Yea, everything was fine until we were just leaving the auditorium. My mom missed a step and down she went. Why does this have to happen?? I mean, I fall all the time and it's probably distressing to those around me but it doesn't bother me much. I'm just embarrassed and it gives me a reason to gripe. As a side effect, I do get some pretty bruises! But I really don't like it when my parents fall. It bothers me a whole lot.

So they got to travel an hour to end up with my mom battered and bruised. That ain't right!

Ow. Ow, ow, ow. Owy, owy, owy. I'm not feeling well!! I was up most of the night with pains in my side and nausea. Can I spell colitis??

I didn't read the menu closely and I didn't recognize what I was eating when I was eating it. My wienerschnitzel was served with cabbage. Raw cabbage. I can't eat raw cabbage! What's the matter with me???

Caught up in the moment, I suppose. It tasted wonderful but the lights were low and it was marinated in something so it didn't taste like raw cabbage and I ate it.

Oh, mother of all that's holy, it hurts. And you'd think that would be a good enough excuse not to go in to work but I have no time left to take off, so I'll be venturing in. Late, but I'll be there.

Ow.

Done with the latest wine tasting dinner. Yum, yum, and totally YUM!! I ended up having the Wienerschnitzel - which was fabulous - but that wasn't nearly the best of the experience. The camaraderie with our friends and the special treatment from the restaurant and winery folks - topped off with an impromptu and fantastic blues guitar concert in the bar - was out of this world.

Great times, great times, great times!

Too bad it's only Tuesday and I have to go to work tomorrow!! What can I do to get out of it? Any ideas??

Tonight, we are going to another wine tasting at our favorite restaurant. I can't even explain how much fun these are! They are informal and yet formal - in that, we dress up nice and then go get giddy. And there's NO wine-spitting allowed!! You drink the wine, people, DRINK the wine!

The food at this restaurant never fails to excite me. The last time I was there, I had pan-seared duck breast in a ginger sauce made with figs and pears. Delicious! Tonight, I might try the Wienerschnitzel or the European-style chicken breast, both of which sound wonderful! Of course, I'll have to wait and hear what their specials are, too.

I even look forward to the salads at this place, and I don't like salads! But they hide the dressing in the middle of the salad so that as you dig in, you find pockets of delight! Mmmm. I'm hungry already!

Much fun will be had tonight with our two friends, Glenn and Harvey. I'll be sure to report back!

Buzz and I have lived in our house for about 3½ years. Every autumn and through the winter and early spring, little flocks of these charcoal grey birds with white underbellies show up on our deck. Sometimes, there is a single bird but often there are 15 or 20 of them. I had never seen them before and I couldn't find anything like them in my bird books.

Last Easter, there was one on the deck while my mom was there. I asked her what it was, sure that she would know. She knows everything! She didn't.

This has been bothering me for over 3 years now! I could not figure out what these birds were! My next step was to try and take a picture of one and post it here to see if any of you knew what they were.

But yesterday I sat down one more time to look for this bird in my very best bird book. And I found it!! It is...

...a Slate-Colored Dark-Eyed Junco! Never heard of them but there they are - big as life on my deck!!

This is not my picture (in fact, it's a copyrighted picture - is that cool to use if I leave the copyright on the picture??) but here's what the little guys look like:

My little moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza Slate-Colored Dark-Eyed Junco birds!

« introverted

I participate in some survey takin' with mysurvey.com. I've been doing this for years and years and have managed to accumulate a measly 6000 points. (Sometimes I forget to take the surveys when I get an e-mail. I'm not very good at this!) Anyway, one of the things they do is occasionally ask if you'd be willing to try out a new product. For years, I have been saying 'YES' to this question and have never gotten anything.

But that all changed today!! I get to try out a new shampoo and conditioner from Herbal Essences! Whee!! (Let's hope my already-too-thin hair doesn't fall out!)

And now for an update on my earlier condition:

• Too tired - still too tired - even with a honkin' cup of very strong coffee
• Not enough to do - still not enough to do, although I did just get an alarming phone call which could directly affect my project - oh perfect!
• Knees - I took some ibuprofen and they're feeling better
• PMS - see Knees
• Too hot - it's boiling in here!! I should turn on my little desk fan, huh?
• Pants - still too big but I did have a cheesesteak for lunch so that helped a bit!

I just knew you'd be interested. I am feeling better but I would like this (work)day to end soon.

It's Monday. I don't believe I've ever had such a case of the "Mondays" as I do today. I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open (my sneaking suspicion is because I'm getting depressed about my job), I don't have enough to do, my knees both feel like someone hit them with a 2x4, I'm PMSing (sorry - TMI!), it's too hot in here, and the pants I'm wearing are too big. I thought that would be a good thing because they would be comfortable but every time I get up to walk somewhere, I feel like I have a load in my pants. (But I don't - I checked just to be sure.) So not only am I walking at a snail's pace because my knees feel like they are made up of crushed coral, but I feel like I'm dragging a load behind me. There's a pleasant feeling!

So, yeah, Monday can kiss my sorry loaded-feeling butt.

You should be happy you're not sitting next to me today. I'd quite possibly bite your head off.

So there I was checking my Hotmail e-mail, which is where I send most of the undesirables. And I was reading my e-mails all the while this picture was at the top of the screen. I never looked at it directly but had the impression that it was two eyes.

And then I did look at it directly...

Buzz and I went to visit my parents today. We went with a couple of things on the agenda. Last Tuesday was my dad's birthday and his present didn't arrive here until then, so we took that up to him. It was a book that I read a review of in the NY Times Book Review. It's called The Numbers Game by Alan Schwarz. It's a book all about the history of statistics in baseball. My dad is a diehard Yankees fan and has been all his life. He's also a great mathematician and I thought that would be interesting for him. He reacted to the book the same way I react to things that people think I will be interested in. I can't really describe it but it's like I can see his mind open up and begin to absorb. My dad is my hero and there are so many of his attributes that I admire so much. His ability to find everything as a chance to learn something is only one of those. I feel like I share that one, but there are so many others that I will never attain. His patience and his logic without emotion will forever be beyond me. I am a true mix of both my parents - and I think it's all good. I love them both so much.

One of the other reasons we went is because my dad has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. My mom is the one who does all the cooking in the house and, when I tell you that I was raised on bread, potatoes and sweets, you will understand that this new development is very hard on her. My dad has the discipline to adhere to whatever diet he needs to (he's had diverticulosis for as long as I can remember and he keeps that under control with diet), but my mom is at a complete loss as to how to make a meal for him now. Typically, the day would start with a big bowl of cereal with fruit and a glass of orange juice. Sounds healthy, right? But not for a diabetic. So today I sat with her for a little while and started to go through the cookbooks my sister gave her and I also gave her a copy of Diabetes Cookbook for Dummies. (I always go for the Dummies books when I don't know where else to begin. I guess they are serving their purpose, huh?) Anyway, she was excited to see quite a few recipes in one of the cookbooks that they could both enjoy. (She's got a problem with cholesterol and high blood pressure so there are extra layers of complication to this.) I could have sat with her for hours exploring and picking out recipes but we simply didn't have the time. I think I should go up for another visit soon and do some more of that.

The other - and main - reason that we went up there was just to visit. My dad turned 76 this year. All the years I was growing up, I had heard that no male in his family ever lived beyond 72 (although, my grandfather was hit by a car and then suffered a stroke - that should not count!) and he figured that's how long he would live. As 72 approached, the age became 76 and life went on. I haven't heard the age limit increased yet but we did have a family discussion last Christmas and pointed out to my dad that he had a long-lost uncle who lived well into his 90s. So, maybe that changed the impression a little. But it stays in the back of my mind that I won't have my parents with me forever and each passing birthday brings those thoughts more and more often.

The really nice thing is that they both seemed healthy and happy today. There were no signs of weakness and that made me feel good. It was a good visit. And that's nice.

We had such a busy day today! And one of the funniest things we did was to drive for an hour to go eat lunch at a roadside hot dog stand. It took us an hour to get there and 15 minutes to eat. And that's because we lingered!

But there was so much else we got done today and I am simply beat. I just got done cleaning up the kitchen (after watching "50 First Dates", which I LOVED!) and so I'm going to head on up to bed.

We've got another big day tomorrow and then it's back to work on Monday.

Well, for me anyway! Buzz has four days off! What a bum!

So good night and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Sleep tight!

I hope your Friday night is going well.

It took me a while to type that because Buzz created a number of Black Russians for me to drink tonight, so I'm a wee bit tipsy.

If you have never had a Black Russian, you have not lived. They are really quite yummy and powerful to boot!

Anyhoo, I'm just checking in to say that I hope you all have a great weekend. We are planning on a busy one so I don't know how much posting there will be.

So have a great weekend. If you have any wonderful things that happen to you in the next few days, please tell me about them! I love to hear about everything!

G'night. I'm going to follow my husband up to bed now. See you later!

I've been at my new job for two weeks. Here's my initial assessment:

I don't think I'm a very good project manager. Not yet, anyway. There's so much that I don't know and I have to keep relying on others to answer the questions. I feel small and inadequate and I also feel like I'm jumping to conclusions that are inaccurate, when all I'm trying to do is understand the project.

Also, my team is uber-technical. And while my background is all technical, too, I come from a mainframe environment. My team works on servers.

What the hell does "hardening" mean? I don't think it's a sexual term, is it?? Do I need one???

I'm lost when it comes to this kind of thing and very frightened that I'm supposed to be following what they're saying in the team meetings. I hope and pray that I'm sort of exempt from that kind of thing because I shouldn't have to KNOW how to do everything on the project - I should just be MANAGING the project and making sure that the people who DO KNOW how to do everything know that they are supposed to be doing something.

Which brings me back to my initial assessment. I think I suck as a project manager right now. I hope that they give me time to get my sea legs and prove that I can do this!

Here's my public endorsement for the month.

Go out and buy Naturally Fresh Lite Peppercorn Ranch dressing. Right now! It could possibly be the best light salad dressing ever made! It's in the refrigerated portion of your grocer's produce section.

What are you waiting for?? Run along and buy some salad dressing!

(This endorsement is completely valid because I do NOT like salads and I can't STAND light dressing.)

You are welcome!

Well, folks, here it is. It's Friday again! Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!! I'm delighted and excited.

I have three meetings today - and we'll call that SOMETHING TO DO! - and I'm happy about that. So today should go by much quicker than the rest of the last two weeks have.

This weekend will be very busy. There's a wonderful place that used to make furniture and things out of reclaimed antique barnwood. We got them to make our fireplace mantel shelf and we also bought a small table from them. We had plans to buy dining room corner hutches from them one day and we were going to get them to build the bar for our basement. Um, yeah, they're going out of business. *pouts* We went up last weekend because they're selling everything they have left for 40-70% off and we got some knick-knack-y things, but we also bought two barnwood beams that are to be used for shelves. They are long substantial beams that are very cool-looking and we're hoping to use them in the basement, if we can mount them (they're very heavy!). We had to leave them there because they were so big but we're going to pick them up tomorrow. Stop 1.

The birds and squirrels have completely decimated the brick of bird seed in our one bird feeder, so we have to go get another one of them. Stop 2.

Has anyone ever heard of Yocco's in Allentown? I saw a special on a local TV station the other day and they did a blind taste test of hot dogs from three places in the area that have laid claim to "best dog in town". Yocco's won. Allentown's about an hour from us - I'm hoping to talk Buzz into driving up there this weekend for a bite to eat! Stop 3?

We have a new electric roaster that we're planning on using for the Thanksgiving turkey. But we've never cooked anything in it, so we're going to cook a sirloin roast in it. Stop 4 (or, stay at home and cook the roast!).

Sunday, we're going to visit my parents 'cause it was my dad's birthday last Tuesday and we'd like to see them. Stop 5.

The laundry is OUT OF CONTROL! I must do the laundry!! Stop 6.

Are you still reading? I've bored myself to death!

Have a great weekend, everyone! Be good to each other and do your best to breathe in the fresh air while it's still here.

(I had a dream that Buzz and I contracted viral meningitis. I hope that's not a premonition!)

I heard one of the most outrageous arguments today. I heard only a brief snippet - thank goodness. It went something like this:

No - that's stupid!
If I ask you one question about where you stand on an issue, I'll know who you voted for.
You are willing to tell me how you are registered.
And yet you think I'm crossing the line when I ask you who you voted for?
That's stupid! I am not getting personal!

This became heated. I left the vicinity.

Hello, folks. That was one idiotic discussion.

If you have ever been around a kitten and watched it while it was exploring something new and exciting, you'll understand why I just love this picture. I am SUCH a cat person and this picture just makes me feel all squooshy.

Shut up! I am not a wuss!

I just passed by someone here at work who was yawning like crazy. He has hair that sticks straight up from his head - it's not long, but it is sticky-uppy.

I swear to you that he looked just like a baboon. I almost pointed and laughed!

And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see it's all up to you
You can be better than you are
You could be swingin' on a star

Something is really bothering me today. I mean – it is REALLY, REALLY bothering me today!

What is it, you ask? I’ll tell you what it is…

I was up late last night. I ate too much food (I was hungry, dammit!) and my belly hurts. It's a very blustery day outside and it looks like we've got the same damn president we had two days ago.

Is this incentive to get my butt in gear and get to work where I have nothing to do? Doubtful!

But, I'm up and showered and dressed and I've had breakfast. My coffee is lukewarm because I forgot it was poured but it's got caffeine and I guess that helps.

I predict a day full of yawning. Happy hump yawn day to you!

Four years ago, I sat up in my bed late at night, vowing to watch the election results until I knew who was going to be our next president.

I had no idea I'd have had to stay up for six weeks until that little detail was decided!!

I've had chance to reflect on my voting history. I've been an active voter (yes, every single stinking election, big or small) since 1980. I swore if Reagan won the 1980 election I'd move to Canada. I didn't. I persevered with ketchup being declared a vegetable in our children's school lunch programs and I persevered with James Watt - the f*ing Secretary of the Interior - ruining every possible natural resource that he could. I stayed here because I do love this country. For better or for worse.

So tonight I'm faced with the same sense of anticipation. I want to declare that if Bush wins, I'm moving to Canada. But I'm older now. And I know that it's all temporary. I'm also a bleeding-heart liberal. I'm all proud of myself for allowing every one else in the country to believe what they want and vote as their heart deems proper. I am all up on myself for being the perfect model of respect and tolerance that I believe everyone should be.

Still - I'll be happy if the Democrats win the election. I won't move to Canada if Bush wins the election, but I'll be counting the days until he's no longer the president.

Did I mention how much we would like to get a mini lop-eared rabbit once our cats leave this earth? We were introduced to one last Saturday and we absolutely fell in love with her! I want one so bad!! She was SOOOO cool!!!

Is that a bit off topic? Oh, well - that's what you get with me!

The less I do, the lazier I get. I have been sitting virtually idle for a week and a half. I can feel it setting in. I have a great propensity toward sloth.

Actually, it's inertia taking hold. If I'm going at full steam, I'll stay that way. Really! But if I'm sitting still, it takes a big giant push to get me going again.

I'm very frightened of feeling this way. Next thing you know, I'll be looking for places to take a snooze at work. This is not good. THIS IS NOT GOOD!

OK, my fellow Americans. Get out there and VOTE today! This is your chance - it's the only one you'll get for four more years!!

So make your voice heard.

Oh, and wish my father a Happy Birthday, won't ya??

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

Item #75 on my 100 Things list refers to an old boss. The last time I switched jobs, about 7 years ago, I was so happy to get away from him! Giddy, in fact!

Well, here's Reason #85 Why I'm Happy Today...

I just realized that when I took this new job, I moved over to the building where he used to be, about 50 feet away from my desk. But he left the company about 4 months ago.

I could have been sitting so close to him and forced to talk to him on a daily basis but he's not here any more! W00t!

I love the new thing this year with the political ads on TV.

"I'm George W. Bush and I approve this message."

What is this supposed to be protecting? How do they think that some uber-brilliant techno-dweeb with a computer (that's sarcastic, by the way) won't record that little line and attach it to something completely "unapproved" by the speaker?

In fact, this kind of thing has already been done!

So, really, what's the purpose of those little sentences of endorsement? And what's next? Pictures of the candidate actually watching the ad so that we know they saw it? Oh, that can't be altered!

Maybe it's just me...

We've got a few credit cards. Not many - we got rid of a bunch of them last year. But one of the ones that we have is this piddly-ass C@pital One card. It's got a microscopically low credit limit and it's the only one that charges an annual fee. We carry no balance on it. So we tried to leverage that power you're supposed to be able to wield over credit card companies by calling and telling them that you're going to cancel the card if they don't:

* Up the credit limit
* Cancel the fees
* Change their logo

Whatever.

We called and told them that we would cancel the card if they didn't get rid of the annual fee. The fee was paid in June. They guy was bewildered! Why would we want to cancel the card now when we're paid up until next June?? OK, then, buckaroo - refund the fee from this past June. Oh, he couldn't do that! But, if we held onto the card until next June and called back, they would waive the fee for next year, provided we remembered to call before the fee was charged. I don't think so, scooter! Cancel the card. This went on and on and finally the guy gave in and cancelled the card.

And you know what? There is one automatic charge that goes to that card and it's for Netflix. Even though I pay that sucker every month, they still charge me a $2.50 finance charge every month! That ain't right, I tell ya! If I pay off the card every month, there should be no finance charges, right?? I don't carry a balance on that card. It's a travesty of justice in the capitalistic world! I'm all in favor of supporting my nation's fiscal well-being by carrying big giant balances on my other cards but this pissant baby card gives me the most grief.

So any time I hear them say "What's in your wallet?", I smile and answer back - not your crappy credit card! Heh.